Crowded House

Business – 19 November 2013

Can you imagine having to move back in with your parents in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s? For many people, moving back with ‘the olds’ (even for a relatively short time), can be frightening and is sure to press some emotional buttons. However sometimes it’s either unavoidable, or financially appealing. Whether you’re undertaking a major home renovation, in-between marriages or looking for a new home, it can be extremely tricky for all parties. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Susan Newman Ph.D is a social psychologist and author of 15 books that focus on enriching and protecting family relationships. Her book Under One Roof Again investigates ways we can best come back together as a family.

She offers these ten tips for adult children who need to move back with their parents.

1. Remember your parents are doing you a favour. Be appreciative – say thank you for the things your parents do for you.

2. Develop an exit plan early and let your parents know when you hope to be able to leave.

3. If job hunting, don’t waste your days.

4. Avoid trashing your parent’s space by leaving your shoes and possessions scattered about.

5. Make yourself useful – as in be helpful wherever and whenever you can. Surprise parents by preparing dinner, for example.

6. Be responsible for the cleanliness of your own space and for doing your own laundry.

7. Be considerate. Call if you are going to be late for dinner, or to let them know you will not be home at all. Once a parent, always a parent – they will worry about you.

8. If you have an intrusive parent, keep your personal life separate by limiting the amount of information you share.

9. Focus on your parent’s positive traits, not the things that drove you crazy as a teenager.

10. When a parent upsets you, speak up. You might say: When you do that, I feel as if I’m 15-years-old again. Or: When you say that you make me feel as if you are judging me.

You can buy Susan’s book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0762758597/ref=nosim/susannewmanph-20

Or Visit Susan Newman’s website: http://www.susannewmanphd.com/